I bet you always wanted to be recognized as a "real one." Come on, let's be honest—it’s a pretty nice title to have.
Most of you probably think of being a real one as you are. And honestly? I’m happy you feel that way. You should be.
But here’s the kicker: Are we really as authentic as we think we are?
Here’s my truth.
When I recently hit “publish” on my first newsletter or uploaded my first videos online, I wasn’t just stepping out of my comfort zone—I was putting myself in a position few of us are comfortable being in.
I exposed myself. I was vulnerable.
What could that possibly do, right? Well, let me tell you: I felt relieved. Free. Uncertain. But also... I felt joy.
That was afterward. Do you know what I felt before? When a thousand thoughts of everything that could go wrong were racing through my mind?
Fear.
Shame.
In my last newsletter, I talked about fear (if you’re a new subscriber and missed it, click here). But shame—that’s a whole other beast.
Brené Brown, one of the foremost authorities on vulnerability in personal development, says:
"Vulnerability is not only the core of shame and fear but also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love."
So, yeah, it’s only natural I felt fear and shame before putting myself out there.
Here I am, a 24-year-old, making my thoughts public - scary.
Speaking in English on video for the first time - nerve-wracking.
And to top it all off? I’m stepping into the personal development space.
I mean, why would anyone take a 24-year-old seriously? What am I - some kind of guru or coach?
But the truth is, those doubts weren’t about anyone else. They were about me.
I knew I wasn’t perfect. And shame, at its core, stems from the feeling of not being good enough.
Yet, perfectionism is just another way we try to avoid vulnerability.
But here’s the thing. Perfectionism isn’t sustainable. Not for me, and not for anyone who values genuine connection. I want to build real connections with people - authentic ones. And to do that, I had to be real. No fluff. No faking. No curated alter ego.
And certainly no pretending my life is perfect.
So, why be vulnerable?
Let me quote Brené Brown again:
"In order for connection to happen, people must allow themselves to be vulnerable and be seen, which can be a difficult and excruciating experience."
Now, ask yourself this. How important are authentic connections to you?
How many of your relationships are truly authentic? And how many are… fake?
Yeah, I said it. Fake.
But here’s the catch - it’s not about having only authentic relationships. That’s not realistic. It’s about striving for authenticity in the relationships that matter most.
The problem isn’t always knowing who to trust or where to build those connections. Often, it’s about not showing up fully in relationships we already consider authentic.
Think about it:
The times you had deep conversations with friends but didn’t fully share because it felt too risky.
The moment you hesitated to say, “I love you” first, even though you felt it.
Hiding parts of your past from your partner because it might reveal a side of you you’re not proud of.
The thank-yous left unsaid, the apologies never given, the moments of gratitude you let pass.
And why?
Because there’s a huge misconception about vulnerability and weakness.
Vulnerability isn’t about lacking something. It’s about embracing what you have and showing up anyway, risks and all.
Weakness, on the other hand, is about needing growth, support, or reinforcement. They’re not the same.
Now, let’s talk about something we often avoid: societal norms.
For men especially, there’s an unspoken rulebook: Be strong. Don’t show emotion. Never admit fear.
But here’s the truth: Strength isn’t about how much you can suppress—it’s about how much you’re willing to embrace.
Being vulnerable takes courage. And courage, at its core, is about telling the story of who you are with your whole heart. It’s no coincidence the word courage comes from the Latin word cor, meaning “heart.”
Not everyone will respect or hold space for your good intentions of being vulnerable. Some people might misuse your openness or fail to respond with care.
So, how do you decide who’s worth that risk?
Here’s a challenge for you.
Start by asking yourself who deserves authentic connection treatment in your life.
Once you’ve identified them, take small steps:
Open up about something small. Gauge their response.
Express gratitude more often—authentically, not just out of politeness.
Apologize when it’s necessary, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Share your dreams, fears, or even your insecurities.
Not everyone will earn a seat at your table of authenticity. And that’s okay. But for the ones who do, showing up as the real you can deepen the connection in ways you can’t imagine.
And when you feel that fear, that risk, that exposure? Lean in.
As Brené Brown says:
"When you are in uncertainty, when you feel at risk, when you feel exposed, don’t tap out. Stay brave. Stay uncomfortable. Stay in the cringy moment. Lean into the uncomfortable conversation."
Because that’s where real connection lives.
So, what’s your next move?
Once again, catch yourself a vibe moment when this jam feels the most on-spot. By the way, this is my favorite song as of now.
I hope my newsletter offers you a refreshing pause from your daily rush. If you find it valuable and believe it could benefit others, I’d be truly grateful if you shared it with your close ones.
All the love, Niklāvs
