When we were younger, more naive, with fewer responsibilities and expectations, we all shared one thing: a sense of freedom. It felt like the world was right at our feet, limitless and full of possibility - or at least what we thought freedom meant back then.
As we get older, life happens. Relationships deepen, emotions intensify, and we find ourselves tied to societal norms, career goals, locations, and even other people’s expectations.
And as funny as it sounds, everything we’re doing now - our careers, our ambitions, even our dreams - is, in some way, an attempt to return to that feeling we had as kids.
We work toward financial stability so we can live on our own terms. We dream of living without being tied to specific locations, jobs, or even people.
This, for many, is the modern definition of freedom. I bet, deep down, a part of you feels the same way - that by stripping away attachments, you’ll finally feel free.
I used to think that too.
But here’s the truth: I was wrong about what freedom really means to me.
Let me ask you this - what does freedom actually mean to you?
This week, I want to reflect on a book that completely changed the way I think about freedom.
It’s written by two Japanese authors, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, and it’s based on Adlerian psychology, which I’ve grown to deeply respect. The book’s title? Let me keep that a mystery for now.
This book gave me two profound realizations about freedom - insights so simple, they almost felt like common sense. But sometimes, the simplest ideas hit the hardest. Not because you didn’t know them before, but because they finally click.
The first realization?
It’s something we all fall victim to: the desire for recognition.
We all want to be recognized - by our parents, our peers, our colleagues, especially by someone we admire or someone who holds influence over our future.
It feels good to have someone see us, validate us, compliment us. At first glance, it doesn’t seem harmful. In fact, it can be motivating.
But here’s the catch: How much of what you do is really for you?
When you’re chasing recognition, you’re often living someone else’s life. Think about it.
Are your choices - your career, your dreams, even your daily actions- shaped by what you want or by what you think will earn approval?
And even worse - adjusting your actions to others and living through prism of approval-approved actions.. It sounds like one big blend, huh?
Let’s face it: seeking recognition is often the easiest path.
The book uses a powerful metaphor to illustrate this point.
"One runs along the tracks that one's parents have laid out. Even if there are a lot of things one might object to, one will not lose one's way as long as one stays on those rails. But if one is deciding one's path oneself, it's only natural that one will get lost at times. One comes up against the wall of how one should live."
This realization was tough for me. I was constantly trying to meet others’ expectations, letting their opinions dictate my path. Sometimes I felt restricted in saying things or doing things. And it left me feeling… trapped. But it is the only way to carve a path that is truly yours.
Seeking recognition felt easy - a shortcut. But it wasn’t fulfilling. By doing so, I avoided the harder path: standing by my decisions, even when I felt lost or doubted myself.
Why? Because we’re scared. We’re scared of being misunderstood. We’re scared of showing up as our true, authentic selves, especially when we don't think we are fit for the moment.
We touched on such topics previously - you can read the rest of my newsletter issues here.
Alfred Adler calls this the “inferiority complex.” It’s the belief that you’re not enough and that the only way to prove your worth is through external validation.
But here’s the problem: This kind of life isn’t free. It’s exhausting. It makes you a prisoner to other people’s judgments, constantly vulnerable to their opinions.
And let’s be honest: Do you really want someone else deciding what you’re worth?
This brings me to a profound truth from the book.
As the philosopher in book points out, the desire for recognition is deeply connected to our fear of being disliked.
And this is where my second realization comes in.
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
“I don’t care what people think of me.” They can dislike me all they want.
But let’s be real - how true is that? If you dig deep, don’t you care at least a little? And isn’t that natural? No one likes to be disliked. It’s human nature to seek acceptance.
But here’s the harsh reality: No matter what you do, someone out there will dislike you.
So, what’s the solution? Do we keep twisting ourselves into shapes to avoid judgment? Do we keep chasing after approval like it’s a prize? Do we get in line and shut up?
Or do we let go of the need for recognition altogether?
This book gave me the answer: Freedom begins when you stop caring whether or not people like you.
Oh, I forgot.. The book's name is "The Courage To Be Disliked".
That doesn’t mean you should live recklessly or intentionally provoke dislike or wrongdoing. It means understanding that it’s not your job to control how others perceive you. Your only job is to live authentically.
And here’s where it gets interesting: When you shift your focus from external validation to intrinsic motivation - when your actions are driven by growth, contribution, and mastery - recognition stops being the goal.
It becomes a tool or a byproduct. A reflection of your effort and competence, not your worth.
This distinction changed everything for me. Because when you stop living for others and start living for yourself, you finally understand what freedom feels like.
As the philosopher in the book says: "Being disliked by someone is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in accordance with your own principles."
I have learned that freedom isn’t just about stripping away attachments. It’s about embracing authenticity - being at peace with yourself, even when you’re misunderstood or disliked.
So, I’ll leave you with this question:
Does your pursuit of recognition serve a larger purpose, or is it just a way to prove your worth?
Do you choose recognition from others, or do you choose the path of freedom without it?
And here’s another question worth pondering: What would it look like if you got lost in the process of building something meaningful, without needing approval from anyone else?
What does that mean for you?
As always, here is a song for you to listen to this week, obviously, when you feel like it. To be honest, whole album is good for sporting activities.
Here is the playlist. The song is DtMF by Bad Bunny. Should be the first one. Follow, all the songs will be added here.
Have yourself a wonderful week!
All the love,
Niklāvs
